A man is sitting in a bar late one evening, when the bartender makes his "last call." The man decides he'll have one more for the road. After he finishes his drink, he stands up -- and then falls down. He's very confused, thinking, "Gee, I haven't had that much to drink. I'll just crawl to the door."

So, he crawls to the door, tries again to stand up -- and falls down. Again, he says to himself, "I know I haven't had that much to drink. But it's lucky I live just around the corner. I'll crawl home."

When he gets home, he tries to stand up again – and again, he falls down. He thinks to himself, "This is ridiculous, I KNOW I didn't drink that much. I'll just crawl into bed, and I'll feel better in the morning."

In the morning, his wife comes into the room and says, "You went out and got trashed last night, didn't you?"

He replies, "No! I only had a couple of beers. I did not get trashed!"

"Oh, yes you did," she says. "The bar just called. You left your wheelchair there last night!

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player; the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former U.S. President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president. And am the smartest woman in American history, so America's people won't let me die", so she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the president of the United States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said......."It's okay, there is a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman just left with my schoolbag."

Q: Why does the Mafia hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

A: They Hate ALL Witnesses...

• Engage the Enemy means "to blow something up."
• Surgical Strike means "to blow up something small."
• Decapitate means "to blow up their leaders."
• Collateral Damage means "to accidentally blow up something of theirs."
• Friendly Fire means "to accidentally blow up something of ours."
• Target of Opportunity means "to blow something up on a whim"
• Kinetic Targeting means "to blow up something that's moving"
• Ordnance is "something that that does the blowing up"
• An Asset is "something that can be blown up"
• Embedded Media means "a report that's blown out of proportion"