Some of the jokes and pictures sent to Steve

This is the 1940 Ford 4-door Sedan that Steve is anxious to get working on.

Letterman

· I have an announcement to make – I have been cleared of all charges of using an electrical device to charge up the audience.

· Cats are now going to be allowed on commercial airplanes. That’s a dream come true – sitting in coach next to a lady cleaning out a liter box.

· If I want to hear hissing and scratching on a flight I’ll talk to the male flight attendant!

· Here’s an important program reminder. Tomorrow night Monica Lewinsky will co-host with Jimmy Kimmel on his show. It’ll be nice for a change to see Monica just sitting next to a desk.

Conan

· The U.S. Treasury has released a new $20 bill. The new bill has different colors, light green, pale blue and peach. The new design happened after complaints that the $20 bill wasn’t gay enough.

· Many Iraqis are upset that food prices have doubled since war ended. The typical Iraqi family now has to rob two museums just to make ends meet.

· Michael Douglas says that he has retraced his family roots and has found that his Great, Great Grandfather was a pirate. Catherine Zeta-Jones has retraced her roots and she found that her Great, Great Grandfather is Michael Douglas.

Wash. Post's Style Invitational

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2002 winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
And, the winner of the Washington Post's Style Invitational:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an @sshole.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God signed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,"
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's California the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, deserts, streams, hills, and forests. The people from California are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in Sacramento."


Shots of the pre-Corps Steve-o doing some rock climbing.